


Love (is a f**kin' complicated thing)

by LittleSpider



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Broken Eggsy, Child Abuse, Domestic Violence, Drabble, Eventual Happy Ending, Explicit Language, Ficlet, Harry Hart Lives, Hartwin, M/M, Multi, Oneshot, POV Eggsy, Physical Abuse, Poor Eggsy, Post V-Day, harry dies (Sort of)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-29
Updated: 2016-09-29
Packaged: 2018-08-18 14:18:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8164855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleSpider/pseuds/LittleSpider
Summary: Eggsy's experience with love has never been as straight forwards as the movies make it out.---------From child to grown up, Eggsy's experiences with love have never been straight forwards and have always been f**king complicated. After all, how can someone who grew up with love being a dirty word or a reason for a slap in his house ever feel like love was a good thing?





	

Love is a many splendored thing or so Eggsy had once heard. Probably written by some university toff who married his own cousin to keep the money in the family or some heartthrob singer who needed to sell another album.

Love was fucking complicated and seemed to cause most of the fights round the estate and seemed to be the reason that someone was in hospital or someone else was on Jeremy Kyle.

Eggsy kept the fuck away from it. He didn't need more reasons to have a black eye. Dean would probably get all possessive over who managed to rough him up more than he did. After all, Dean was the local hard case and anyone who could make Eggsy bleed more than him was a threat—probably.

 

He remembered his dad coming home on leave and scooping his mum up in his arms and kissing her while she squealed and demanded to be put down.

He remembered how happy she was to have him home and how she seemed to love picking up his dirty clothes from the floor even though she told Eggsy off it.

He remembered the way his dad used to tell her she was the most beautiful woman he'd seen in the whole wide world, and how he was allowed to say that because he'd toured most of it.

He remembered the way that his mother cried when she had to take off her wedding ring after the funeral and how she'd put away all the pictures of his dad.

 

Eggsy didn't understand at first why she'd put away all the pictures, and taken off the wedding ring, and put most of his clothes in bin liners for charity collection.

 

He thought she was mad at him for dying. He later learned different. Love was complicated.

 

When Dean started seeing his mum, at first he brought toys for Eggsy. Said he was a handsome lad, like his dad and that he knew his dad.

His mum seemed happy and seemed to like Dean. He treated her nice. Brought her presents, new clothes, took her on nights out.

Eggsy felt that perhaps she was forgetting his dad now Dean was in her life and that perhaps love had a 'best before' date like food.

Maybe love went stale and got forgotten.

Maybe absence didn't make the heart grow fonder and all that shit.

But she was happier now, and now she was happier, she seemed to have a bit more time for Eggsy.

She'd cook his favourite food, let him stay up later and talk about school, and gymnastics club, swimming, and the future.

Eggsy loved his mum so much.

 

Dean's hands became sharp around the time he turned 12. He moved into the flat, and started to set boundaries.

Eggsy was to stay in his room unless he was called. He had to do the washing up, clean the bathroom and hoover twice a week to earn his pocket money.

The first time Eggsy answered Dean back about cleaning the back of the toilet he got a slap and his mum stood up and told Dean to keep his ' _bleedin' hands_ ' off her son.

Dean backed down. Apologised and sent Eggsy to the shops to get some sweets.

Eggsy had never felt his cheek burn as much as that before, or the way his eyes burned just as bad through not crying.

He realized he _fucking_ hated Dean.

 

Soon Eggsy realized being out of the house was easier than being in it. And getting into other peoples houses was better still.

He could make a few bob flogging stolen DVD's to his mates down the pub. Nicking mobile phones and selling them on. His mate Ryan could unlock them at home. Clever fucker.

Soon he was nicking cars and occasionally getting picked up by the cops who realized he wasn't worth their time.

 _'Yeah_. _I ain't worth ya time'_ he'd smirk over the desk after being cautioned and released. He'd wink at the pretty desk Sargent and leave.

His mum would scold him for being out late, or getting a hole in his new jeans, but when he'd put fifty quid in her empty purse she'd shake her head and kiss his cheek.

 

By the time Daisy came along, money was tighter still and although he could avoid Dean's hands and his little gang of mongrels his home wasn't even his home any-more, even if his world was in it.

He loved his sister, but she was the reason his mum was now stuck with Dean.

No money. No way out. Tied down.

His mum was looking older now than he'd ever seen her look and her eyes were swollen through crying and getting up late.

She hid a bottle of Prozac under the sink next to the bleach where Dean would never look, but Eggsy knew about.

He wanted to take her away from it all so bad.

But he knew he had no fucking chance.

 

When Harry came along.

Eggsy felt like he was in freefall.

Between worlds.

Through the fucking looking glass and tumbling from a world that he hated being in, to a world that hated him being in it and Harry was the only one with a grip on his hand.

Eggsy fell in love with Harry so quickly. So suddenly that he didn't even fucking realize what it was until he saw his head get blown off by a gun in a Kentucky Suburb.

In that one heart-stopping minute he knew what love was.

 

_And it hurt like fuck._

 

Love was brutal and cruel and quick and over. And it was short and it was hard and it ached and burned and split his heart like glass over his palm. And he knew why his mum bagged up his dad's shit and gave it away and wouldn't look at the photo in his room and why she cried and why she was on Prozac and why he always kept the fuck away from it.

 

 

His mum watched in awe as he finally put his step-dad on his arse.

“ _Don't you touch my fuckin' mum again, yeah?”_

And moved in with him somewhere where it hurt to be. Hiding his pain was easy from his mum. She'd taught him to do it without realizing.

Jammy kisses from his sister in the morning and stealing toast from his mum's hand before darting out the door made it look so easy.

Domestic bliss was easily reproduced when you had money.

Daisy was never gonna grow up to feel pain like he did. He wanted to make sure she felt safe all the time.

Dean would be a bogeyman that she sort of half-remembered. And Harry would be the guardian angel he saw looking back at him in his reflection in the mirror.

 

Until one day, he was really there.

Same suit.

Same face.

An eye a little darker than the other and a scar framing it but there and Eggsy felt all that love he'd put in bin bags and dumped outside of his heart return like warmth to cold hands.

 

Harry was love. In every way it should have been.

Tender and all encompassing. Unconditional and doting.

He was kisses on the cheek in the morning after shaving and buttered toast. He was ' _how was your day, darling?_ ' and ' _You look wonderful this morning'_

He was smiles and chestnut eyes and curly hair and kisses pressed against bare shoulders with soft sighs as his hands ghosted his stomach.

He was promises and future and love that he hung on every star of the night sky for him and he was love that he deserved.

 

“ _Fuckin' **HIM**?!”_

“ _Mum, please.”_

“ _No, Eggsy. No. Fuckin' not him. Anyone but him.”_

“ _Mum!”_

“ _Eggsy, he fuckin' let ya dad die, yeah? You remember that?”_

“ _Mum.”_

“ _Eggsy, I don't mind ya being gay. I love ya, ya know that. I love ya no matter what._

_But why fuckin' him? You're young and ya don't know what ya want yet. This man comes into ya life and treats ya right and ya think ya love him.”_

“ _Nah mum. I fuckin' know I love him. You fucking thought you loved Dean, and he was a fuckin' prick to ya.”_

“ _Eggsy!”_

“ _Mum, he fuckin' hit ya! He hit me and ya let him! Were ya gonna let him hit Daisy too?!”_

“ _Eggsy.”_

“ _Nah mum. Harry might be fucking older than me, or you. But he fucking knows how ta love me proper. I know ya got beef wiv him, yeah? But fuckin' accept it. Or...just fuckin' stay out of it.”_

 

Eggsy felt more love than he believed was possible when he saw his new husband having a dance with his mother on the dance floor of the swanky, stately home where their reception was taking place.

“ _Nah, mate._ ” Jamal said, swallowing down expensive champagne, gesturing to Ryan with his champagne flute. “ _Eggsy's mum. I still definitely would. Well. Fit.”_

“ _Shut up mate. She's old enough ta be ya mum._ ”

“ _And Eggsy's husband's old enough ta be ya granddad._ ” Jamal commented before looking at Eggsy apologetically. “ _Sorry, bruv_.”

“ _Nah. It's alright_.” he grinned. “...' _sides_.” he sighed with a smile, as Daisy came over to him and tugged on his hand with a dummy in her mouth, insisting he join mummy and 'Hawwy'. “ _You ain't got no chance wiv' ma Mum. She's got a thing for the best man._ ”

 

 


End file.
